


When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall

by lalasagna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime Swears, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Mental Health Issues, just a little bit, last 50 chapters or so, matsukawa plays the sims with like 5000 mods i manifest this into canon, typical swearing that comes with iwaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26211661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalasagna/pseuds/lalasagna
Summary: The aftermath of Oikawa Tooru telling his boyfriend he's leaving the countryEXCERPT:Matsukawa squawks. “Wait, hold up. We’ll explore your relationship insecurity in a sec, just...what do you mean leaving next month?”Hajime hugs his backpack to his chest, as if shielding himself. “I mean, he wants to move to South America and his flight is booked for next month.”
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 77





	When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall

**Author's Note:**

> if you know where the title's from you're cool
> 
> edit 9/3/2020: In this fic, Oikawa Tooru takes medicine for an unmentioned mental illness and I am in no way trying to diagnose him, but in my own mind, he suffers from something that has symptoms of anxiety and insomnia. These are mostly based on my own experiences and I do not speak for every mentally ill person.

Tooru was a believer.

Once he found something to believe in, he would hold on to that concept tightly and nurture it, defending it against doubt and skepticism. He would firmly garrison his values and shoot down anyone who challenges him. Maybe that was why he still believed in aliens after all these years.

It was one of the things that made Hajime fall in love with him.

It’s not like Hajime didn’t believe in anything. That’s not it. It’s that he has never known anyone who would struggle against anything and everything to uphold his beliefs, no one but Tooru. Sometimes, it was ridiculous like when in middle school, Tooru thought chocolate milk came from brown cows and when a classmate told him he was wrong, he refused to believe her and insisted he was right. It was only when she showed him video after video of chocolate being mixed in with milk in dairy factories that he conceded his point of view, but not without throwing a fit about it.

Sometimes, it was endearing. Iwaizumi’s parents went through a divorce when he was eight and he couldn’t imagine ever being happy again. He sulked in his room, refusing to talk to his parents and concentrating on a crack in the wall, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. Little Tooru had stomped in and launched into a speech on destiny, life opportunities, and inspirational stories (and the Edo period at one point). He was so convincing and spoke like everything he said was indisputable that Hajime could not bear to not _believe_ too.

Oikawa Tooru was incredibly headstrong to the point of making the people around him so sure as well.

Right now however, his defiance has made Hajime incredibly angry.

He can probably count on one hand the times he and Tooru had really been in. Sure, they fought about movies and video games, but their constant bickering always came from a place of fondness. Hajime would shout, “I can’t believe you haven’t watched the original Godzilla, Shittykawa!” but when Tooru asked, he rented it out and dug up their old VHS player and bought his favorite popcorn and wrapped a blanket around their bodies just to enjoy the movie with him. They quarrel over things that didn’t matter and rarely disagreed on things that did.

That was mostly why, when Tooru brought up his plan to move abroad after high school, Hajime couldn’t help the shouting match that occurred. Of course Tooru had already decided that this was the best option for him even though he only settled on Argentina a week ago, of course Iwaizumi couldn’t just accept his boyfriend, his best friend, his _partner_ moving 18,000 kilometers away, exactly 12 hours of time zone difference, of course Oikawa couldn’t be convinced, of course Iwaizumi couldn’t let him go—

Hajime had stormed off in the middle of him explaining _there is still Skype, Iwa-chan! I can even get an international sim card so I can call you every day!_ and ignored Tooru shouting after him. He couldn’t go home, Tooru lived literally five minutes away, and wouldn’t hesitate to come over and badger him, trying to make him understand. Iwaizumi didn’t want to see him right now. And so, he turned his phone off and made his way to a house a little further, situated in a busy street right between a bright flower shop and a somber funeral home.

A middle aged lady is taking out the trash and notices Hajime. “Iwaizumi-kun! What a pleasant surprise. Hopefully, you’re not here for official business.”

Matsukawa Fumiko had a strange sense of humor, possibly fueled by her family’s half-century long funeral business. She often joked about death in a way that would make those unfamiliar with her uncomfortable, but having known Issei for three years, Hajime is used to it.

“Good afternoon, Matsukawa-san. Thankfully not.” Hajime says earning a smile from the woman. “Is Matsu—er, Issei home?”

“Ah, my son is occupied with this video game...Come to think of it, Iwaizumi-kun is a diligent young man. Could you please coerce Issei into doing his homework?”

Hajime laughs despite himself. “I will try my best, though that might be a lost cause.”

She giggles delightfully and directs him to where her son is. Hajime finds Issei hunched over his computer, muttering to himself. He doesn’t seem to notice Hajime enter his room so the ace knocks loudly on his door, startling him.

“Iwaizumi!” Matsukawa says, surprised. “Jesus, you scared me.”

“Your mom told me to tell you to do your homework.” Hajime offers, squinting at the computer screen currently showing what seems to be a floating toddler setting fire to a house. “What the fuck.”

“Oh, I just downloaded this thing where this cursed kid comes and ruins the neighborhood. I’ve killed like three sims and set fire to five houses already.” Matsukawa says breezily, turning around in his wheeled chair.

Hajime makes a face. “What’s a _Sim_? Why is there a cursed kid? More importantly, is this your idea of fun?”

Matsukawa laughs like it’s a joke. “Anyway, what’s up? You wouldn’t come here without proper reason, so either you need help with a dead body which is surprisingly common in my family’s line of work _but there has never been any illegal occurrences in the Matsukawa Funeral Home Incorporated nor will there ever be—“_

He says the last part loudly which makes Hajime ask, “Who are you talking to?”

Matsukawa grins conspiratorially, then whispers, “The government.”

“Matsukawa, what the fuck.”

“Either that or it has something to do with Oikawa.” Matsukawa concludes, then ponders for a moment. “ _Or,_ it could be both. Do you have our captain’s dead body in your backpack!? _I in no way was aware of anything regarding a dead body being illegally dumped—“_ He starts saying in his loud government-directed voice again, so Iwaizumi shuts him up.

“No! Nothing like that!” Iwaizumi shouts. “Why are you like this?”

His teammate quirks an eyebrow. “Probably genetics and environment, both nature and nurture if you will.”

“Forget I asked.”

“No can do, vice-captain. It’s embedded in my memory. Anyway, since this has nothing to do with a dead body... _for now_...what did Oikawa do this time?”

Hajime sighs. He has not succeeded putting it into words in his mind, so he has trouble voicing it out. Tooru once forced him to take a love language test and turns out, his highest was quality time and his weakest was words of affirmation. It kind of makes sense. He has trouble voicing his thoughts sometimes and chooses to express himself in other ways.

“That dumbass...” Hajime starts, then stops. Maybe insults were inappropriate?

“Oikawa...” Hajime continues, “made a decision—A major decision, that would affect...you know, us, a lot—without even asking me about it. I mean, I’m not entirely against it but...this is so big!”

He ignores Matsukawa’s snort and mutter of “that’s what she said.”

“I don’t know. It’s not even the decision that pisses me off. It’s that he didn’t tell me. It really fucking hurt that he didn’t even think to inform me until _after_ he has already finalized everything. It’s like, he doesn’t think that I was important enough to tell this to...He is changing his whole life! For fucks sake, shouldn’t his boyfriend have a say in that? I mean, he’s leaving next month!”

Matsukawa squawks. “Wait, hold up. We’ll explore your relationship insecurity in a sec, just...what do you mean _leaving next month?_ ”

Hajime hugs his backpack to his chest, as if shielding himself. “I mean, he wants to move to South America and his flight is booked for next month.”

Matsukawa stands up quickly, knocking over a precariously perched lamp onto the floor, then he bends down to pick it up, but hits his head on his desk. “Fuck!”

Hajime can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him. “And I thought _I_ was being dramatic.”

Matsukawa turns around, having had placed his lamp on the same precarious angle it was in previously. He stands in front of Hajime, putting a hand on his hip, looking like a shop lady who was just shown an expired coupon.

“That! Asshole! He told me he’ll pay me back the 2000 yen he owes me in August!” Matsukawa shouts, pointing his finger at Hajime, as if this was his fault. “Why did you let him do this!?”

“I didn’t!” Hajime can’t help but meet his volume, probably ringing through the front of the house into the quaint flower shop next door. He feels a little irritated that his teammate seems more upset about his money than Hajime’s feelings. “This is what I’ve been telling you, Matsukawa! He just decided this all on his own without me! The same guy who never posts on Instagram without my opinion on his filters!”

Then Matsukawa deflates. “Oh, Iwa-chan...”

“Don’t call me that,” Hajime says, basically an instinct to anyone who isn’t Oikawa.

His teammate says, “That was very assholey of him. _I can’t believe you’ve done this_.”

“Huh? It’s not me. Why are you speaking English?”

“It’s a vine, you grandpa!”

After a few hours of Matsukawa showing him the pure carnage in his video game and Iwaizumi being forced to explain his feelings, he heads home. Matsukawa’s mother hands him a business card and says, “Hope you don’t need my services soon, Iwaizumi-kun!” laughing at her own joke.

By sunset, he reaches the small park he and Tooru used to play in as kids. He thinks about all the scabbed knees, the sprained fingers that Tooru would always claim is, “totally broken, Iwa-chan! I could have _died!_ ” the days and mornings and sometimes nights they would spend in this little area. He thinks that things would be so much simpler if they remained as children, oblivious to the complicated matters of the adult world. He remembers thinking that his little street that included Tooru a few minutes away and Tooru’s older sister who owned an Xbox and had all the cool games was perfect and he would never want anything else.

Since then, his life has expanded to his school, his friends, the volleyball court, the heady feeling of college acceptance letters...but all throughout this, his only constant was Tooru. He was there for every triumph and every defeat, every step of the journey in Hajime’s life so far. Whenever Hajime falters, all he had to do was look behind him and Tooru would be there to reassure him. He was always there...

Maybe that was why it is so difficult of him to let him go.

He isn’t really sure who he is without Tooru because he never had to think about that before. Maybe it was selfish of him to think that he would always have this with him. Maybe it was selfish to always expect Tooru to always be in arm’s reach. He always knew in the back of his mind that his partner was meant for great things, because this was _Oikawa Tooru_. He is determined and perceptive in ways Hajime will never fully understand. He is absolutely astonishing and proficient in anything he puts his mind to. He is truly the greatest person Hajime has ever known and in a way, he has always known that he would have to let him go at one point.

He definitely could have taken the news better, could have said, “I’m happy for you” or “I will support you whatever you do,” because that’s what good boyfriends do right?

He walks past the park, shivering a little from the cold air.

When he gets home, he isn’t surprised to see Tooru. He is chatting idly with Hajime’s mother in the living room when he sees Hajime. She has been nothing but supportive of their relationship ever since its clumsy beginnings in their second year, to the point where she treats Tooru like a second son sometimes.

His mom seems to notice the tone of the room and excuses herself, sending Hajime a curious glance. Tooru watches her leave and doesn’t say anything. On the surface, he looks fine with his hair perfectly curled at the ends and his posture oozing confidence. But Hajime knows better.

He sees the brown eyes flit from one spot to another, knows that that means that the setter is thinking a million thoughts a minute. He hears his deep inhales, a mechanism he surrenders himself to when he gets nervous. Most of all, he understands his hesitation, the reason why he hasn’t said anything to him.

Hajime can’t help himself. He sits down beside him, taking his hands in his, intertwining their fingers together in the way he knows reassures his boyfriend, his _partner_. Tooru directs uncertain eyes to him, the question passing between their gazes.

“You know I love you, right?” Hajime says, determined to soothe him.

Tooru grimaces. “Is this why you’ve been ignoring my calls and texts? Because you love me?”

Hajime sighs. Tooru has never made this easy, but that has never stopped him before.

“I needed time to think, Tooru.” He sees his boyfriend soften at the sound of his given name. “I was so—my mind was going crazy and I couldn’t think. I never expected this to happen.”

Tooru bites his lip. “I don’t want...Iwa-chan, please don’t break up with me.”

His eyes have gone shiny with unshed tears and Hajime feels his heart clench at the sight. Tooru often calls him a brute but he can never resist getting emotional when he sees his tears. He tries to reel himself in, knowing that both of them crying will result on nothing being accomplished.

“I’m not...breaking up with you. I love you.” He says, desperate to assure him. “I was so scared of the thought of losing you. But more than that, I was upset that...that you waited so long to tell me. It felt like I wasn’t important enough for you to tell.”

“No!” Tooru says, shaking his head. “That’s not it at all! Iwa-chan is the most important!”

Despite himself, Hajime feels his face flush. Tooru always says this sort of thing so nonchalantly but it never ceases to surprise him. He isn’t used to this sort of uninhibited affection.

“I’m so sorry I made you think that.” Tooru says earnestly.

“You didn’t _make_ me—”

“Well, I’m sorry anyway!” Tooru interrupts, furiously wiping at his face. “God, I can’t imagine what you were thinking...I have been so selfish, don’t disagree with me! I know I have. I thought that if I delayed it, then I could have more time with you, more time pretending that everything will always be like this. I didn’t want you to hate me...”

Hajime sighs, breathing in the familiar scent of his partner. When they got together a little over a year ago, it felt so natural, so _easy_ to transition from being best friends to lovers. He remembers going on a date as “official” boyfriends and realizing that it wasn’t any different from their usual hangouts, just with more apparent loving gazes, no longer having to hide what they felt. He remembers realizing that normal people don’t usually know so much about each other when they start dating.

Typically, a couple goes on a couple of dates to get to know each other more. For Hajime and Tooru, they kind of skipped that step, having never remembered a time when they were strangers to each other. They were only five when they met and have been a pillar in the other’s life ever since. He already knew what Tooru smelt like, vanilla and rosemary. He already knew that he was an ugly crier, but that his genuine smile was one of the most beautiful things Hajime has ever seen. He already knew what puberty was like for him, just as embarrassing as Hajime’s. He already knew his favorite movie (E.T.), his favorite food, how he liked to sleep, how he likes his eggs...

Hajime pulls him close as he sobs, rubbing his arm up and down his back. He knows that this reassures him, knows this because he was there his first time in therapy, when the doctor thought he was his boyfriend and they both spluttered, denying it. He knows that Tooru has gone through so much in his own mind and he knows the time he takes his medication, knows that he hates the taste so he always drinks it with juice. He knows Tooru’s demons and knows how they speak falsehood to him when everything is silent. He knows that Tooru speaks loudly and taunts even louder to drown the voices sin his head telling him he’s terrible and worthless.

At this moment, Hajime knows one thing most of all.

“I could never hate you.” He says, feeling the tears soak up his shirt. “You’re so dumb.”

Oikawa laughs wetly. “You’re supposed to be comforting me, you brute.”

Hajime lifts his head by the chin, then presses his lips against his, soft and gentle. Tooru makes a pleased sound and leans into the kiss. Hajime tries to encompass his feelings into the soft kisses he presses into his boyfriend’s lips, tries to convince him of his devotion, tries to make him believe.

Tooru is unstoppable when he believes.

“Are you not mad at me anymore?” Tooru asks, bashful in the way he only lets a select few see.

Hajime combs his fingers through soft brown locks. “Yeah. Well, until you do something stupid again.”

“Iwa-chan!” Tooru reprimands, hitting him on the shoulder.

Hajime laughs at him, pressing another kiss in the furrowed spot between his brows.

“Will you visit me in Argentina?”

Hajime knows that they have to talk about it at one point, so even though it hurts him, he does because he sees how excited his partner is. Tooru is almost giddy as he talks about his plans, face lighting up like a beacon in a way Hajime hasn’t seen since their first match against Karasuno. Losing to them before Nationals poured water on his flame and he was inconsolable for weeks.

Hajime understands. Maybe not all of It, but he at least understands that Tooru isn’t doing this because of misplaced revenge or a desire to prove himself. Hajime understands that this is a step he has to take to reach the heights he was always destined to reach.

Oikawa Tooru may not be meant for high school tournaments, but he is a contender for world domination.

“I’ll come every time you don’t take care of yourself,” Hajime warns.

Instead being afraid, Tooru shines. “I’ll do it every day then!”

“Shittykawa!”

Tooru laughs, light and happy, as if he wasn’t bawling his eyes out moments ago. If the proof wasn’t on his shirt, Hajime would doubt his own memory. He can’t help but run his thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away the remnants of wetness.

Tooru leans into his touch. “Iwa-chan acts all strong and mean, but he’s a big softie!”

“If you’re this annoying in Argentina, they’ll send you back in no time.”

“Iwa-chan!!!” Tooru complains, “You’re so rude to me...”

His tone is light but it feels a little wrong. Hajime doesn’t know when he got this superpower but he can tell Tooru’s mood shifts from the smallest things. Obviously, he struck a nerve.

“I was joking, you know that right?”

His partner laughs but it sounds _wrong_. “I mean, it is a completely different culture, why would they even care about a random Japanese guy who couldn’t even bring his team to nationals?”

Ah, that’s what it is.

“How many times do we have to go through this?” Hajime says, “You aren’t the only player in the court. A loss is a loss, but it is not because of any single one of us. We are a team and as much as you like to pretend that you’re the star of the show, there are six of us. It doesn’t reflect in your ability as a player _or_ a captain. You’re a great leader and everyone would agree with that.”

“Yes, compliment me more, Iwa-chan.”

Normally, a remark like that would drive Hajime to hitting him on the head, but he sees the sincerity in Tooru’s brown eyes. He goes on.

“You play like you invented the game. It looks so natural on you, when you pass the ball seamlessly, when you do that insane jump serve, when you predict the other team’s strategy. It looks so natural, but also I know how hard you work. It gets me riled up sometimes because you love overworking yourself to the point of unconsciousness—“

“That only happened once!”

“—But that’s an admirable characteristic.” Hajime continues, “Working hard at something will always beat natural talent, at least in my book. You give yourself so little credit, but you have achieved so much, even if there isn’t some medal or trophy to prove it.”

Tooru prods, “Like what?”

“Well, you really beat Matsukawa and Hanamaki into shape. Remember their first few weeks?”

He rolls his eyes, recalling, “Yeah, they kept playing pranks on everyone, even the coach couldn’t convince them to stop.”

“But you did. You saw the coach shouting at them and realized that wouldn’t work, not with those two. I wasn’t there, but I knew you talked to them after practice. You said you had to pick up something, but I knew better. You said _something_ to them and whatever that was, it worked.”

Tooru is silent so Hajime continues, “And when Kindaichi was failing Algebra? Remember? You would prepare worksheets for him and convince your sister to tutor him every other week.”

“I had to buy her ice cream for months!”

“Yeah, but then Kindaichi got a B that semester. You were out sick the day he got his grade, probably because you were overworking yourself _yet again_ but you should have seen the look on his face. He was really proud of himself and more than getting him a good grade, you gave him confidence in himself. You went above and beyond your responsibilities as a captain, because you cared. That’s amazing.”

Tooru seems uncomfortable under all the praise, a strange sight as he always talks about how amazing he is. “You make me sound like I’m this hero...”

“No, you’re not. You’re Oikawa Tooru, a typical 18-year old who kept going and going and going until he got it. And you _will not_ let something as simple as a different country beat you down. I’ve put up with you too long to let that happen.”

“That last one was unnecessary...” He complains, but a smile has worked its way into his face. “Hajime, do you really...?”

In this moment, Tooru is truly vulnerable. Hajime is perhaps the only person who has seen this side of him outside of his family and he holds that privilege like a priceless treasure. The trust Tooru lets him have has him terrified sometimes, but more than that, he takes this as something precious, something to nurture and cherish.

“Yeah, I do. I believe in you. You can do anything, Tooru. If it takes us years and thousands of miles away from each other and shitty video calls and dumb time zones, I want to do it. We _will_ do it. You can do anything.”

“Waaaah! I love you so much!” Tooru flails around dramatically. ”How can you say such sweet things? I’m going to _die!_ Why are you trying to kill me!?”

Hajime’s face heats up so he’s the one who buries his face this time, right on his sternocleidomastoid muscle. Oikawa wraps his arm around him, muttering words of gratitude into the quiet air.

After a few moments, Oikawa starts complaining that he’s hungry but he doesn’t make an effort to move. In fact, he shuffles even closer, almost on Hajime’s lap in a position that couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

“Iwa-chan, let’s go to the konbini so you can get me milk bread!”

“Shut up and get off me, we need to talk about your flight. Have you verified your visa yet?”

“Well, I used it last summer so it should still be okay...”

“You have to verify it first! It might have expired, Shittykawa!”

“Ah!! Iwa-chan, don’t kill me! Auntie, help!”

They will be okay, Hajime thinks. Even if not, Hajime knows that Tooru is destined for great things and he is just glad to have moments like this with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I had too much fun with the Matsukawa family backstory but it really amused me that he works for a funeral home so I had to build on that 
> 
> Kudos and comments encourage me to write more! Compliment me, criticize me, tell me your Matsukawa family headcanons, anything ;)


End file.
